At a routine arraignment today, the Doctor pled guilty to four misdemeanor counts of time theft from her former employer, the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce (UNIT).
According to reports, during a previous incarnation, the Doctor was observed wasting the secretive international agency’s time on at least four separate occasions. Charges filed by the special prosecutor overseeing the case include:
One count of checking then-his social media accounts while allegedly looking for information required to root out a global alien invasion.
One count of fiddling with gadgets that had no apparent purpose, which then-he held up to then-his face and gave unlikely sounding names while trying to convince members of the taskforce that the devices were detecting some bizarre element or type of radiation that nobody had ever heard of before.
Two counts of scheduling unnecessary meetings just to have an audience at which to run then-his gob for hours on end, with no real purpose or productive results.
Some have called the prosecution and today’s proceedings misogynistic, claiming that previous, outwardly male incarnations of the millennia-old Gallifreyan never had to face such ridiculous charges. The Doctor’s lawyer, speaking on behalf of herself, did not go so far as to accuse the court of sexism, but noted that UNIT’s willingness to press charges would make her less enthusiastic about helping them in the future.
While other charges and allegations have been levied against the Doctor over the years, this is the first time that a court on Earth has successfully indicted her/him. Some expected a long, drawn-out courtroom drama, with an exhaustingly voluble closing argument on either side. The Doctor’s plea without a formal deal from the prosecutor stunned everyone into silence – which may have been her plan all along.
The judge sentenced her to time served.