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How Hogwarts Inter-House Relationships End

The wizarding world has gone through its various ups and downs, but one of the biggest questions that remains after all these years is: How will that inter-house relationship end? Is there an inherent incompatibility known only to the Sorting Hat? Are some matches better than others when it comes to seeking a mate?

Using decades of stories, anecdotes, and statistics taken from surveys, newspaper accounts, and public records at the Ministry of Magic, we have aggregated the data and discovered the most common endings to inter-house relationships of Hogwarts students and alumni. So whether you’re a hopeless romantic who wants to know if your one is The One, or you’re merely tired of looking around your common room at the limited options available, get a glimpse of how your inter-house relationship is most likely to fare with this mostly scientific analysis.


Widowed young, the Hufflepuff leads a long, lonely life faithful to their brave, dead Gryffindor.


After years of arguing about whether to go out or stay in, the Gryffindor tries to burn the Ravenclaw’s books, but a protection spell causes the Gryffindor to self-immolate instead. The Ravenclaw is acquitted on technical grounds.


One-night stand followed by a fight to the death (it’s hard to tell which is which).


The Hufflepuff quietly leaves one night while the Ravenclaw is reading, feeling dejected but inordinately hopeful about the future.


On the night of their black-and-green themed wedding after a one-month engagement, the Slytherin devours the head of the Hufflepuff.


The Ravenclaw, anticipating the inevitable betrayal of their beloved, requires a prenup with a lifeforce-binding blood ritual; their relationship lasts longer than any of the others.


Disappointed by the results? You can always try to beat the odds! Just don’t expect us to hold our breath…