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BREAKING: Your Sanity on Seeing This Obscene Terror

Your feeble mind cannot comprehend the cosmic magnitude of the newly discovered terror lying beneath the bedrock of our hometown. The boundaries of human consciousness are too narrow, too limited to fathom the infinitude of suffering of which this unearthly creature is capable.

According to the mostly incoherent ravings of the two public works employees who stumbled on the grotesque monstrosity while investigating a blockage in the sewer system, the horror beyond horrors is “waking soon” and is “hungry, oh so frightfully hungry.” Their deranged proclamations are interspersed with ululations of hysterical laughter and moans of ludicrous euphoria.

If you need proof, you need look no further than the ripples of dread you have sensed lo these many years as you lay awake in your bed in the 2am stillness of the night, staring into the bleak and unforgiving blackness. Now, you feel your perturbation spreading through you, like beetles scurrying through dark passageways between the walls of your house, looking for a way to burst through into the open, as it must.

City officials deny all existence of the incomprehensible abomination, but their foreswearings only lend credence to the abject fear that grips our quaint but damnéd urbation. An anonymous source at city hall confirmed that a secret midnight session of the city council was convened yestereve, though this reporter has been unable to confirm whether the meeting was called to discuss how to avert the inexorable doom percolating below – or whether it was a seance to exacerbate and call forth our destruction. The mayor’s office declined a request for comment.

If you have any shred of sense left, you will gather your family and run. Abandon all earthly possessions and any who might slow you down; flee as far as you can, as fast as you are capable. Though, the truly sane will remain, knowing that any attempt at escape on this condemned earth, in this writhing putrescence of existence, is futile. You might as well succumb to the inevitable now, for to oppose it is but to invite more misery and anguish upon yourself. Give in to the inescapable calamity that awaits you.

Click Here to See the Woeful Terror